Cut to the Quick: When Domestic Accidents Happen

Know More: A-Listers, Famous Blogger, Thinking Again, Wil Wheaton 2.0, Wil Wheaton

Wil Wheaton tells how he cut his thumb the other night on the lid of a tin can. (Warning, his narration will make your hands hurt)

His unfortunate domestic accident reminds me of the "Chicken Skewer Incident". I volunteered to make these savory yummies for our company Christmas party (which was always a pot-luck. Cheap b*****ds).

For those who have never worked with raw chicken, it is slimy and gelatinous and harder than heck to cut into cubes and slide onto a skewer.
Therefore, the best plan of attack is to work with partially thawed chicken breasts. Unfortunately this leaves you with numb hands (not always bad, as you will see).

I'm on my 100th skewer (5 cubes of chicken to each skewer) when a particularly frozen piece temporarily resists the bamboo skewer's incursion. Because the only logical way to thread frozen chicken onto skewers involves holding the chicken in the palm of one hand while thrusting the skewer with the other hand (the squeamish should look away now) the extra force needed to skewer the chicken resulted in ramming the skewer through my hand.

Yes, I said through my hand - between the bones...well it didn't come out the other side, but I could see the bump that was the tip of the skewer on the back of my hand.

Luckily my hand is completely numb (remember the frozen chicken, see above), so I just pull the skewer out. Thus begins the drama. I now have a closed puncture wound caused by an implement that has gone through salmonella-infested chicken. Obviously I am going to die. I've read the stories where the hand puffs up with red streaks to the armpit until the unfortunate sufferer expires in agony.

Never once does it occur to me to call a medical professional for their opinion (my mother and mother-in-law are both retired nurses). Instead (wait for it) I use a small paring knife to open the wound until it bleeds. Of course I don't open it all the way through my hand - that would be silly. And I do wash my hands and use a knife clean from the drawer.

I pour peroxide over the whole thing, stick on a band-aid and continue skewering. Once my hand warms up it hurts like heck, but some scotch took care of that. Doctors? I don't need no stinkin' Doctors!

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